“To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well, and is as essential to all true conversation”

-Chinese Proverb

Developing effective listening skills is an important step towards building social relationships. In order to interact with others meaningfully we must listen and remember information from adults and peers. This includes not just the words they share with us, but also the meaning that is conveyed.  

Here are some skills to look for and/or teach to your child when developing effective listening skills:

• Ability to recall information that others have shared with him/her
• Ability to summarize in his/her own words information others have shared with him/her
• Ability to describe the main ideas or concepts that have been shared with him/her.
• Ability to draw inferences from information that has been shared by others.
• Ability to recall and use information that has been shared by others to initiate and maintain conversations with others
• Ability to listen for meaning that is conveyed beyond actual words

Parent Training

Look at the skills required to become an effective listener. Then decide which of these skills are deficit areas in your child’s own listening abilities.

Discuss the Skill

Focus on one skill area at a time discussing the individual skill and providing examples or reflect on real-life examples.  

Role Play

Once your child is able to accurately reflect on the skill area by answering questions, or providing appropriate examples try role-playing with your child to provide opportunities for him/her to successfully practice use of the skill.

Reinforce Positive Practice

Once your child is able to role play the skill with accuracy develop a behavior contract or reinforcement procedures for him/her to practice in their natural environment. For example, “If you can talk with two friends today about their favorite things to do and share this with me when you get home, then you can earn some extra computer time tonight”.

Self-Monitor

If your child can begin to engage in the skill in his or her natural environment when reinforcement is available for engaging in the skill try removing the availability of the reinforcement for practicing the skill and reinforce the child’s ability to accurately self-monitor whether he or she engaged in the behavior appropriately.

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• To begin teaching this skill use a preferred item or activity and a timer with an auditory signal.
•  Allow your child access to the preferred item for a small increment of time, then stop access to the item or activity. Do this by using a key phrase that you would naturally use in his or her environment such as “wait” , “just a minute”, etc.
• Set the timer for a very short increment of time (2-5 seconds).
• Once the timer goes off immediately praise the child for waiting and allow him/her access to the reinforcing item or activity.

Typically, parents can expect their child to protest when he or she is denied access to the reinforcing item or activity. As the child continues to come into contact with contingencies of the timer going off and receiving access to the reinfocing item or activity the child’s protests should de-escalte in intensity.  As the child’s response to the denial of the reinfocing activity observably decrease, parents should systematically increase the duration of “wait” time.  Parents should heavily reinforce compliancies with waiting and eventually begin to use these key phrases and times in the child’s natural environment (eventually removing the timer).

Teaching your child to tolerate delayed access to reinforcers can assist in increasing his or her compliancy and decreasing problematic behaviors .

Develop Vocational Skills

 Begin investigating your child’s abilities and planning for vocational skills by developing functional workplace skills. For each child these objectives will look very different. Find activities for your child to become involved in which encourage and foster development of specific interests and skills (i.e. robotics clubs, children’s engineering software, science clubs, etc.). Parents can also  encourage and develop vocaltion skills in your home by providing opportunities for your child to practice vocational skills (i.e. stacking groceries, unloading the dishwasher, etc.).

Develop Interpersonal Relationship Skills

Be sure to also directly work on developing your child’s interpersonal relationship skills by developing their abilities to advocate effectively for themselves, engage in appropriate conflict resolution skills, as well as other appropriate social behaviors. 

Develop Independent Daily Living Skills

Assist your child in developing his or her independence in daily living skills by developing his or her abilities to plan and cook meals,  complete other household chores, identify problems and create solutions to daily challenges, develop and follow schedules, set and accomplish goals.

For child with special needs early planning is an essential component of successful independent adult living.